Why and When I missed the bus

Since majority of the people who know me may not read this in the immediate future, there’s atleast one comment that I am sure I will avoid, the ‘tell me something new’ one.

So, today again I missed the bus. Ya ya.. I have the alarm more than ahead of the required time. (To the guy who said I have to re schedule my alarm 10 mins earlier than now). The thing with me is, since I know that alarm is a bit early, I snooze it and eventually miss the next one. Or sometimes I do wake up early and then since I have buffer time, I add so many things to do that I end up missing it. What? Did I hear you ask me how is it even possible? Picture this. I have 10 mins for the bus, then I think, since I have time, I can probably apply water or gel or oil to the porcupiny hair on my head. I still have sometime shayad, should soap wash my hand and also water the plant. Check time. If it is not 1 min to the bus time then(most times it is 1 min past).. check bag for all items..And I find some item that is missing or one that I can add (biscuit packet, earphone, deo etc). Today it was wallet.

Shit.. I am late. 

Run to the bus stop. If colleagues are present, then endure the ‘next milkha singh’, ‘always-fitness’, ‘bus is late today’, type comments. Today: No colleagues! Ok, superman plan B button – ON. Check for taxi to catch bus..(If you are still picturing me, then imagine 2 mins of checking 3 directions)…Hammaya! Here comes one.

Bhaiya: center chalo (it is a place where atleast 4 buses pass thru). 

Chicha: (begins the let_me_take_all_signal routes_and_catch_them_red)

Me: bhaiya , bus pakadna hai .. jaldi chalo na.
He (leaving the turn where one signal and sail away route for the no more signal route): udhar se jaayega toh ek aur signal hai.. idhar se jaayega to kabhi kabhi traffic milta.

Should you guess? We are greeted by a convoy specially designed for chicha to ensure I miss the bus. What does SRK say.. ‘puri kaaynaat’? You meet me once SRK.
10 mins of frustration later I reach the stop. I could have called my bus driver to check if I can still catch him, but I don’t want him to use the phone while driving.. so I wait. Thankfully a bus from the same bus provider comes. I wave frantically, climb the bus and see there is no one I recognize.

Me thinking to myself: Is this my company bus only?What if the same provider also uses his bus for other companies? I thought the lady sitting in the front seat looked like the talkative impression giving aunty of the other building. Ahem! She is probably just older than me. Let me listen to what the neighbors are talking. Aiyo I don’t know what they are talking.

Thankfully one of my late lateef brethrens called the bus driver who used his ear phones and mentioned my company name. Did I say oh good? Enter Traffic cop. He fines the driver. Poor guy, driver says to the cop that the bus was giving some problem so he was trying to call for help..but fine is not IamFine na. Usually the drivers don’t lift calls unless they are at stops. But with me carrying my special day aura with me..

So we are 8 mins down the road.. and bus does get stuck on some kucha road. Abbe oo SRK, driver was not asking this, why does your kaaynaat misunderstand people?

Thankfully after sometime the bus could move..

..I had started typing this as soon as I climbed the bus, but the writing material supply just didn’t seem to stop. But I should, I am right now in front of my desk and the manager has already greeted me good morning .. and I had a mobile in hand. I quickly wished him back and started using my system mouse. He smiled and asked me to switch on the PC first.

Raama Raama!

Blogpost, because – no blog post

There’s no writers block, no lack of content either. There is a lack of coherence to frame what I want to, but I had many things to write about in the past months. Be it the coke without fizz movie of Dhoni (what untold story, songs?), or the very valid slap and punch of the Pink movie. I am thinking too much to be able to type something. Hopefully I will still blog my thoughts on the whole topic that Pink revolved around. I have always been concerned about the sorry situation that woman are in, and that movie was like a mirror and reminder to me:  “there don’t you try to close your eyes and ignore this” kind of reminder.

There were many other things that I want to blog about too, because I am not a man of reviews, but experiences. I also wanted to blog about the pessimism that reeks within me, the regular additions that I will probably continue to want to add to Party means only drinks aa? , thoughts that make me unravel myself to me.

I wanted to record my thoughts when I parted with my daughter (just for couple of months, for work related matters), want to write how I feel when I see her video or watch her on video calls. Hopefully I will. I should. Because, you, my dear one shall continue to make me realize that while I procrastinate, you grow and shall add to my joy with everyday. Joys I would want to revisit and feel, but I’ve been lazy.

I will write my thoughts, sachhi, I promise! I write these words with the towering shadow of procrastinating thoughts behind me, saying ‘really, and what are you doing now? What were you actually supposed to?’

Mocking the meek willed me.

The dentist comes home

I woke up to a sudden, unexpected invigilation of my teeth by the dentist today. It’s my wife’s doing, She invited the dentist over, pointing the unassuming me to her, there’s no doubt about that.

One look into the sparkling eyes of this dentist and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ to her. She’s got those eyes which could even get Rajinikanth to say ‘RajiniCant’. She somehow pried open my jaws with her fingers, inspected the molars and pre-molars, and gave an inquiring ‘haa?’;

Her expression piqued my own senses, I asked her if it was that bad; but I am sure she never understood my words with my mouth that full. I feared she might consider investigating my throat with her able nimble fingers. She sure looked like she intended to.

Continue reading “The dentist comes home”

Discussion on bathrooms and MBA

I was always advised, “do an MBA, it will open many doors for opportunities”, I ended up doing post graduate diploma and not, MBA, probably this is the reason why I never find an open bathroom door . Why else would it be that today, a guy actually opens the esteemed door to come out and then looking at me, slammed the door shut!  I consoled myself that he probably forgot to complete his primary purpose of visit, a possibility confirmed after I heard a few sounds which vaguely sounded like elephant sneezes. Thank god my highly efficient hydraulic brake system successfully sent back the ‘wait’ signal to the liquid dispatching section, the motion was almost approved.

Much to my amusement, I’ve observed that whenever I bring my flashy little water  bottle, my office floor temperature begins on its task of promoting the winters of Kashmir.We have 3 WCs and no urinals per floor ( and I sit on the other end of the other wing of my floor) and by the time I reach the washroom I am already in the stage of the lighted batti of a hydrogen bomb (Google Diwali bombs if you are that one Ethiopian reader of mine). I look at myself in the mirror, walk around as if I am on invigilation rounds and keep guessing if I have heard a flush somewhere. If nothing for a minute, then the walk back begins. Another time my friend, another time.  I remember reading that drinking loads of water improves your fitness level – that guy probably works on the same floor as I do.

I am more scared of the portly ones, so I usually make it a point not to enter the premises if they are in the vicinity, because

a. they would have so much to contribute

b. they may have so much possible legacy to leave behind.

So my dear readers, I have evolved and matured to a great understanding of the self and wish to share these with you.

  • Even if there are no premonitions of the grand performance approaching, it is advised to occupy the throne and plan the day calendar on the thought-pot. You can always read THIS blog for motivation.
  • Get rid of the ‘pehle aap’ disease, because, refer to point b above. Also, sometimes I only have water donation program and the other may have an Ekta Kapoor serial planned.
  • If by rare chance, you find a vacant cabin, check if the jet faucet and others have ammunition (Previous experiences and visuals need not be shared for reference).

And yes, convinced as you (kyatobhi) are, an MBA degree wouldn’t have ensured an open door, it does not stand for Master of Bathroom Avenues.

The case of the missing bill

Today’s was a guiltily happy day at work. “Why?” you’d ask. What why? Shouldn’t I have a happy day?..

I came across this blog of Narendra Shenoy and have been giggling or laughing away to myself. I shared it on whatsapp, made fun of a cousin in the cousins group and hello, my wife, who is also part of that whatsapp group calls me. Now, I don’t think one should think this way, but somehow I always misinterpret if my wife calls, if I am active on whatsapp. This time I assumed that since she saw me active on one whatsapp group, in office hours, obviously I am not busy with work. Which wasn’t entirely wrong (grins).

As parents of an 8 month old infant, we tend to discuss a lot about the baby and my wife had to explain how my daughter had slept for 2 hours straight after her food (she had woken us up early today and kept playing with us to wake us up early too). After narrating this, she had nothing else to add, usually there is, ‘get this or that while returning’. The mocking skunk that I am, I replied it with a, “hey, today I have work to give for you” (bless the poor thing, she ignores my satire), “..the towel that we had planned to exchange today(it had a hole), search for its bill”, I said.

She groaned with an “abba…” and I chuckled at her misery. “The cooking needs to be done, baby food to be prepared and fed, and I am hungry too”, she continued. “Search in your wallet na, maybe you placed it there”. I had opened my wallet earlier in the day for breakfast and checked for the bill already, so I informed her.

After around 2 hours, my wife called again, “are you sure you don’t have it with you? Nothing on the sofa, or on the beds” Continue reading “The case of the missing bill”

Party means only drinks aa?

Party means ‘social gathering of people, usually along with eating, drinking and entertainment’, it seems. May be that is why everyone wants to be in a winning political party-because they want to keep enjoying. I don’t have a problem with partying, but partying means only drinking aa? Arre, you can enjoy without drinking also. You forgot pani puri eating competition we used to have when we were kids? At the end of the competition we always had a very happy and fully satisfied winner, the pani puri waala! My pani puri waala toh used to give so fast, that before I ate one, he will keep three in my plate, so fast that I forgot counting and he used to say 5. I had only 30 rupees so I used to lose.

 

What was I talking about? See like this only I used to forget! Haaa, partying! Starting starting, I used to see movies and think that Devdas only drank to forget his girlfriend. Then, movies also teached that posh people usually celebrated with holding drinks. So movies made me think ki if we drink, we will forget everything and we will feel rich. Cheaters! May be Vijay Mallya produced all Devdas movies secretly to become rich. Now honey singh also will start one liquor brand soon, you see, I am telling no, you see! Before, when my friends used to ask me to drink I used to get afraid, I thought ki I will lose control and tell off all my secrets, like, I saw that desibaba site when I was in 9th class only, that I liked this girl in office or I will dance like mad and do something which my friends will record and tease me later. So, I always said, I will drink, but not now, later. Because I wanted to know how it was, but was afraid. Afterwards, I drank beer with my close friends once, it was 70 rs!! And it tasted awk thu! But they said, arrey take one Manchuria.. then take sip, taste will go. It should be chilled and that dirty taste will be less. I thought why give so much money, why drink secretly, all for this dirty taste. Then next time my friends said ki taste different thing. That also was khhhrrwwaak thu, from the epiglottis!
Continue reading “Party means only drinks aa?”

O Google, how considerate art thou

Holding the cigarette just like she held a pen, and straining to distinguish in the nights darkness, Anjali verified again if she had the correct end pointing towards her. Clutching the cigarette between her index and ring finger as carelessly as she could, she placed it in the corner of her lips.As4wK1i8tREo-MQFvxBDg8hgftOpUFBeb8JQ3x5usWAA

Her flat was on the seventh floor of the building and the gentle wind made her kurti flap at the borders. Twice the cigarette lighter flickered and died, the flame then came up with a silght blowing sound at the third attempt and danced with the breeze. Cupping her one hand over the cigarette butt, she lit with the other.

“Left Hand please”, Manu had said to her when she had tried it first time. “The burnt smell will linger on your fingers and you wouldn’t appreciate it if you use your right hand” he had explained. With a sigh, Anjali used her left hand.

She sucked the air through the cigarette as she would have done when using a straw. ‘Inhale. Try and feel the smoke travelling within your system’, she thought to herself.
“oooodi”, he would have exclaimed, if he had been around, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He was dead. Instead, her mobile screen flashed with a beep sound.

Continue reading “O Google, how considerate art thou”